The Elimination of Chore Lists

I'm a notorious list maker. My family knows this. My friends and inlaws know this. For those who know personalities, I'm an INFJ-T and that's enough to satisfy you that yes, yes I do like things in certain ways. For those who don't know personalities, let's just say that the "J" likes things in an organized, planned manner, and the T magnifies everything to the nth degree.

Some people find these lists ridiculous. For example, my husband's ex-wife and son would snicker and roll their eyes at my lists and plans. But it was a never fail situation that she (and him) would maintain unpreparedness to hand in paperwork for school events,  forget to pack certain things and lose track of a schedule and that responsibility would fall to --- ME! Eventually I won SS over to respect the lists, but it's not his cup of tea (though I have caught him using one or two over the years on his own). I will readily admit that it isn't for everyone, and I'm not offended or bothered by it (no - not even by the ex), because it is what makes me tick, and helps me understand, function and relate to the world around me. Other people have other things that make them tick. Which brings me to my daughter.

My daughter (referring back to the personalities), is a P instead of a J. So she has endured years of chore charts, packing lists, To-Do plans...when she wants to float by the seat of her pants, and get things done as they get done.

I find that to be chaos. She finds it to be peaceful. It drives me mad. I drive her mad. She gets things done in her own time and in her own way. It's not wrong - it's just different.

That isn't to say that she needs a little kick in the butt once and a while (who doesn't, really?), and everyone's weakness can be curbed to be stronger.

Before I dig myself into a hole by saying her "P" is a weakness, it's most definitely not. It has a lot of really good positives in it. So good, in fact, that I'm trying to learn from her. Some may say my "J" is a weakness and it can be...if I don't learn how to curb it's tendency to want to control situations, things and people.

See? We can all learn!

So anyway, chore charts. It is customary fashion in this household, that I dole out the chore charts for the school year. I maintain 2 types of chore charts: summer and school. Summer expects more out of them, and includes the beautiful backyard we finally have the sun to work with in. School has basic chores that keep things moving (like laundry, clean room, and clean bathroom). The goal is to maintain function and not get lost in the chaos that you can get lost in when there are more responsibilities on your plate. I think it's grand! The kids - not so much.

This fall I have one less kid in my household. SS moved out last month with a few guys from the church, to pursue an 8 month course within the church. I think it's an amazing opportunity to not only have some life experience before potentially heading off to college, but also to form bonds with guys who are likeminded. Especially if him and his girlfriend get married in the next couple years.

Yikes. Life changes!!

With just my DD (dear daughter) at home now, I have one less body to plan around and I thought I would experiment with something:

See a need, fill a need.

Any one watch Robots? It's an older movie, but enjoyable.

That popped into my head the other day when I was thinking up the torture - I mean chore list - I was planning for DD.

I think I'll still have a few things to check off (back to the basics - laundry, room, bathroom), but instead of giving out a list to command how she spends her time, I want to teach her to be more observant, and more respectful of the space around her.

Walk into a room and see a dish? Put it in the dishwasher. Notice the counters have crumbs? Wipe them off.

Start taking responsibility for the space, instead of someone else making you. Do it voluntarily. Is this too much to expect from a 14 year old? I don't think so.

Plus she's a "P"! She should thrive in a more relaxed environment.

It's definitely an experiment. I will see how it goes. I will fight my urge to control what she sees as things to clean up (why did she clean up the pillows vs the wrapper on the floor?).

I think it's more of experiment to see if we can both grow. I have a lot of growing to do. It just never stops.

It's a good thing. I think when we stop growing, it's detrimental to our health and our attitudes.

Here's to no chore lists!