Talk about having to "walk through" being thankful!
After that post, I had a glorious couple of days, and then the whole next week just went to pot. It was insane! SS was over and of course drama ensues and hubby's ex has to be involved which then included me having to give rides to her house.
It was a gong show.
And it made me stop and ask "am I really thankful? or am I only thankful when things are good?"
That was a good visitation within myself. In the end, yes. I'm still very thankful. But boy, there were a lot of things besides gratitude coming out of me last week!
Since we have SS every other week, I had a good week of quiet, and reflection. Life used to be 2 days on, 2 days off, 3 days on...that type of rotation with SS. And I know I had more difficulty reaching an element of peace. So...I am also thankful for a week to re-evaluate myself in between!
That all being said, there's nothing really to say in a blog today. Nothing whirling in my head, and not a lot that is prominent in my heart. It's rainy today and it makes me happy I did my yard work yesterday while the sun was still out. My rottie is curled at my feet and I already got the majority of my cleaning done today. It's a low-key, nothing to share, day.
I'm blogging today simply for the sake of blogging. I used to be so proficient in what I wanted to say, and I always seemed to have something. I'm just revisiting the blog to see if anything would come out.
And nothing really did. So I bid a great weekend to everyone. I heard rumours of snow, and I kinda am ok with that.
Life is good.
Friday, October 3, 2014
Thursday, September 18, 2014
Fall is lovely, isn't it? I love the cool air, the fall smells. I love the colours the leaves and the grasses turn. Gorgeous. I dyed my hair darker, painted my nails orange, and take in as many pumpkin spice lattes as I can afford.
Loving it.
My hubby has been working hard on our deck, and I'm hoping we will have a few latte evenings out in the backyard yet. Life really is good.
My favourite thing about fall is kids going back to school. That could be taken badly, but I don't mean it that way. When September comes around, we get back to routines and schedules. Everyone is productive and happy. I love it! I give the kids their chore lists for the school year, I create my 5 week meal plans and grocery lists and don't stress about what's for lunch or supper. The house gets clean and stays that way from 9am to 4pm. Glorious.
This summer we had a devastating blow to our business. This was year 5, and we were in the black and ready to make money. But our equipment received some serious damage. While we have insurance, the incident happened in July, and we still haven't received any insurance money. So. We made a decision and closed our doors. It was very sad, but we had a month of summer this year! Silver lining. Always with the silver linings.
I have a year to either push my face painting business to a place where I can take in an income, or find myself another job, or create a new business. This is month 1. I'm enjoying the quiet, the simplicity, the order, the not working 18 hour days....
So I've made no progress in any one of my options. But it's just month 1, right??
I have a few goals to accomplish before December.
1) Learn how to foam milk properly in the new espresso machine we bought.
2) Build a couple barn doors for inside the house
3) Build a dining room table
Those feel like fall projects. Oh:
4) Build/Buy/Create a fall wreath for my front door!
I'm looking forward to the quiet not having a business will create. I'm looking forward to putting my creativity to good use. I'm looking forward to taking in fall with all it's spice, colour and pumpkin-infused goodness. I'm looking forward to the first snow fall (and not having to be outside nailing pieces of wood together while freezing my buns off!).
I'm looking forward to enjoying what we have worked hard for. I'm looking forward to sitting back and being thankful.
A lovely friend of mine had very sad and devastating news. Her husband, who dealt with mental illness/depression took his own life. While she isn't one of my closest friends, coffees with her have always left me inspired and happy to connect with someone so full of life.
When I received the message from her that this had happened, after I grieved quietly internally, I looked over at my husband, who was still fast asleep in the early mornings and was desperately and longingly thankful.
She has now been in the back of my mind, sitting there, reminding me, of the things that I take for granted.
My husband is healthy. And not just in body (which we usually think of), but mentally. He doesn't struggle with depression, or mental illness. He is an incredible man who devotes his life to making my life and our kids lives better. He presses on even when he doesn't want to. And I have never known a man to complain as little as this man does.
And so I'm thankful.
My daughter is healthy, vibrant and lovely. She's at a funny age of talking and sharing everything, but not wanting her friends to see her hold my hand in public. She is "normal" by all society standards externally, but extra-ordinary in who she is internally. We hardly fight, she is obedient, she has an opinion, but she is helpful and wise. We don't struggle with power-struggles, screaming matches and silent treatments or slamming doors (though we do have our moments of not getting along...we can always talk it out).
I'm so thankful.
We have a beautiful home. We have a car. We have food in our fridge. We have friends who love us.
So in my favourite season, with my favourite colours, and some time off of work to build, create and just "be", I am loving to be thankful.
Mmmmm. Tis the season! I hope you enjoy a lovely tall latte of your favourite flavour, sit back, look at the lovely colours and remember everything you have.
Loving it.
My hubby has been working hard on our deck, and I'm hoping we will have a few latte evenings out in the backyard yet. Life really is good.
My favourite thing about fall is kids going back to school. That could be taken badly, but I don't mean it that way. When September comes around, we get back to routines and schedules. Everyone is productive and happy. I love it! I give the kids their chore lists for the school year, I create my 5 week meal plans and grocery lists and don't stress about what's for lunch or supper. The house gets clean and stays that way from 9am to 4pm. Glorious.
This summer we had a devastating blow to our business. This was year 5, and we were in the black and ready to make money. But our equipment received some serious damage. While we have insurance, the incident happened in July, and we still haven't received any insurance money. So. We made a decision and closed our doors. It was very sad, but we had a month of summer this year! Silver lining. Always with the silver linings.
I have a year to either push my face painting business to a place where I can take in an income, or find myself another job, or create a new business. This is month 1. I'm enjoying the quiet, the simplicity, the order, the not working 18 hour days....
So I've made no progress in any one of my options. But it's just month 1, right??
I have a few goals to accomplish before December.
1) Learn how to foam milk properly in the new espresso machine we bought.
2) Build a couple barn doors for inside the house
3) Build a dining room table
Those feel like fall projects. Oh:
4) Build/Buy/Create a fall wreath for my front door!
I'm looking forward to the quiet not having a business will create. I'm looking forward to putting my creativity to good use. I'm looking forward to taking in fall with all it's spice, colour and pumpkin-infused goodness. I'm looking forward to the first snow fall (and not having to be outside nailing pieces of wood together while freezing my buns off!).
I'm looking forward to enjoying what we have worked hard for. I'm looking forward to sitting back and being thankful.
A lovely friend of mine had very sad and devastating news. Her husband, who dealt with mental illness/depression took his own life. While she isn't one of my closest friends, coffees with her have always left me inspired and happy to connect with someone so full of life.
When I received the message from her that this had happened, after I grieved quietly internally, I looked over at my husband, who was still fast asleep in the early mornings and was desperately and longingly thankful.
She has now been in the back of my mind, sitting there, reminding me, of the things that I take for granted.
My husband is healthy. And not just in body (which we usually think of), but mentally. He doesn't struggle with depression, or mental illness. He is an incredible man who devotes his life to making my life and our kids lives better. He presses on even when he doesn't want to. And I have never known a man to complain as little as this man does.
And so I'm thankful.
My daughter is healthy, vibrant and lovely. She's at a funny age of talking and sharing everything, but not wanting her friends to see her hold my hand in public. She is "normal" by all society standards externally, but extra-ordinary in who she is internally. We hardly fight, she is obedient, she has an opinion, but she is helpful and wise. We don't struggle with power-struggles, screaming matches and silent treatments or slamming doors (though we do have our moments of not getting along...we can always talk it out).
I'm so thankful.
We have a beautiful home. We have a car. We have food in our fridge. We have friends who love us.
So in my favourite season, with my favourite colours, and some time off of work to build, create and just "be", I am loving to be thankful.
Mmmmm. Tis the season! I hope you enjoy a lovely tall latte of your favourite flavour, sit back, look at the lovely colours and remember everything you have.
Friday, March 14, 2014
I perused my last post quickly. The main thing that stuck out in my mind was "painting the stairwell". Seriously...it feels like that was half a year ago.
The new house is taking on a life of its own. It's beautiful. After every little thing we do to it, I always gush to my hubby "I've never owned anything so nice". I think less of it has to do with things being nice, but more of it being how much heart and soul we have put into the place.
So, stairwell? We have had the rug installed (that was one of those things we thought it would be more cost efficient for someone else to do), we installed the hardwood ourselves, I finished all the painting, we've almost finished putting together the kitchen, hubby has started on floor tiles, and almost all the light fixtures are up.
The only thing left in the basement to do are hanging doors, and putting baseboards and casings on. Oh wait, flooring in our "gym" has to be done yet, but that's just a roll out flooring. Oh, and linoleum and plumbing stuff in the basement bath. HA. Looks like there's still a few things to do down there.
Upstairs still has a lot left to do. We have the tiling to finish first. This next week I get to learn how to tile bathroom walls. Should be interesting since I've never done it. And I get to work with 3 different types of tiles! It's a bit intimidating doing things I don't know how to do, but the amount of self-confidence it can build is always good.
Tonight I have a skype date with a friend from the south and then while my hubby tiles our entrance, I will start on wallpapering part of our room. I really wasn't a wallpaper fan...until recently. Retro style seems to be back. And I surprised myself by loving it!
If there is anything decorating a house will teach you, it is simply about yourself. What you like, what you don't like. If you're a risk taker, or if you're not.
I discovered I'm a risk taker, who is terrified of the opinions of man. My hubby always says "go with your gut! You never disappoint!". He loves my style as it's a bit eccentric, but modern. I'm not afraid of colours, but I get nervous when the inlaws check out the progress on the house.
My favourite comment so far has been to the reaction of my harvest orange colour in the basement:
"you just need black baseboards and it would be like halloween".
Ouch. Smile. Nod. Laugh even. Shake it off.
Because we have designed and are decorating it from scratch, it's as if it's a piece of us. I have to remember not to be offended if someone doesn't like it. They are not insulting me, they are just disagreeing with my taste.
And that's ok.
My husband has loved everything I've done with it. From colour choices, to tile choices, to hardwood decisions and door designs. And I love everything I've done with it. I'm in love with the kitchen I designed (yay Ikea!), and I think my favourite room so far in the house is my daughter's room (huge window, girly chandelier and purple tones splashed on the walls).
While I thought I was much more secure in myself, having myself smeared all over that house and ripe for the picking felt way more vulnerable than I first assumed!
We have random people stop in to see the progress, and I admit, I hold my breath a little every time they stop in. "What if they don't like it?" or "What if they don't get it?" (because each room has been thought through from decor to design and without decor in there....well, it's not complete!).
I've discovered I'm more insecure than I thought!!
I know I used to be terribly insecure. Horribly, in fact. Actually pathetically. Thankfully, I've grown up a bit. But not as much as I thought! This house has been a good learning tool to myself as to how I react internally to other people's reactions.
In the end, while the house is a reflection of me (my hubby wants the house to scream "BONNIE" when you open the front door - he so delights in me!), people's opinions of it are not a reflection on how they feel about me.
In the end, I really want to love it. I want my hubby to love it, and I want my kids to love it.
In the end, I need to just be secure in me and leave it at that.
But as a side note....I've never owned anything so nice.
The new house is taking on a life of its own. It's beautiful. After every little thing we do to it, I always gush to my hubby "I've never owned anything so nice". I think less of it has to do with things being nice, but more of it being how much heart and soul we have put into the place.
So, stairwell? We have had the rug installed (that was one of those things we thought it would be more cost efficient for someone else to do), we installed the hardwood ourselves, I finished all the painting, we've almost finished putting together the kitchen, hubby has started on floor tiles, and almost all the light fixtures are up.
The only thing left in the basement to do are hanging doors, and putting baseboards and casings on. Oh wait, flooring in our "gym" has to be done yet, but that's just a roll out flooring. Oh, and linoleum and plumbing stuff in the basement bath. HA. Looks like there's still a few things to do down there.
Upstairs still has a lot left to do. We have the tiling to finish first. This next week I get to learn how to tile bathroom walls. Should be interesting since I've never done it. And I get to work with 3 different types of tiles! It's a bit intimidating doing things I don't know how to do, but the amount of self-confidence it can build is always good.
Tonight I have a skype date with a friend from the south and then while my hubby tiles our entrance, I will start on wallpapering part of our room. I really wasn't a wallpaper fan...until recently. Retro style seems to be back. And I surprised myself by loving it!
If there is anything decorating a house will teach you, it is simply about yourself. What you like, what you don't like. If you're a risk taker, or if you're not.
I discovered I'm a risk taker, who is terrified of the opinions of man. My hubby always says "go with your gut! You never disappoint!". He loves my style as it's a bit eccentric, but modern. I'm not afraid of colours, but I get nervous when the inlaws check out the progress on the house.
My favourite comment so far has been to the reaction of my harvest orange colour in the basement:
"you just need black baseboards and it would be like halloween".
Ouch. Smile. Nod. Laugh even. Shake it off.
Because we have designed and are decorating it from scratch, it's as if it's a piece of us. I have to remember not to be offended if someone doesn't like it. They are not insulting me, they are just disagreeing with my taste.
And that's ok.
My husband has loved everything I've done with it. From colour choices, to tile choices, to hardwood decisions and door designs. And I love everything I've done with it. I'm in love with the kitchen I designed (yay Ikea!), and I think my favourite room so far in the house is my daughter's room (huge window, girly chandelier and purple tones splashed on the walls).
While I thought I was much more secure in myself, having myself smeared all over that house and ripe for the picking felt way more vulnerable than I first assumed!
We have random people stop in to see the progress, and I admit, I hold my breath a little every time they stop in. "What if they don't like it?" or "What if they don't get it?" (because each room has been thought through from decor to design and without decor in there....well, it's not complete!).
I've discovered I'm more insecure than I thought!!
I know I used to be terribly insecure. Horribly, in fact. Actually pathetically. Thankfully, I've grown up a bit. But not as much as I thought! This house has been a good learning tool to myself as to how I react internally to other people's reactions.
In the end, while the house is a reflection of me (my hubby wants the house to scream "BONNIE" when you open the front door - he so delights in me!), people's opinions of it are not a reflection on how they feel about me.
In the end, I really want to love it. I want my hubby to love it, and I want my kids to love it.
In the end, I need to just be secure in me and leave it at that.
But as a side note....I've never owned anything so nice.
Monday, February 10, 2014
I watched a movie a couple nights ago "About Time". I found it gentle, endearing and it entered into my brain with the reminder of my New Year's resolution. It was really good. I like to catch movies once and a while that can actually sneak into my heart and tell me what I already know but need to hear once and a while.
But only sometimes. Other times I like guns, violence, blood, hilarity and things that take away from the usual day to day life. Isn't that what movies are supposed to do for the most part? Tell a story that gets you out of your own story?
Anyway, if you're in the mood for a slower, gentler, quieter evening and a movie that doesn't scare, thrill or drill you in the brain - About Time is a good one. I thought it was sweet.
I shouldn't be blogging, but I never really have a time when I should be. I made my grocery list for the week and really need to get into the shower before I attempt to see people outside of my home.
Today's requirements are insulating part of the basement ceiling, providing food for the family, painting a stairwell, and prepping a concrete floor for rug installation. Blogging seems like it would be way more fun.
Unfortunately, I have nothing to say. My heart is a little sore with SS over. I realize I've been offended towards him, and I find it easy to turn off my love towards him with the slightest offence. I'm constantly reminded that being offended towards someone has nothing to do with the person you are upset with - it's actually a condition of your own heart. And while I realize this, sometimes sitting in the dark places is more "fun" than shining the light in there.
Aren't we funny as people? Sometimes we would rather be upset, fuming, and festering, than just dealing with our issues and moving into joy? I also find it easy to stay in those dark places easier and longer, the more I practice it.
I was listening to a speaker the other day talking about Thankfulness. It's something you choose and the more you choose it, the more you're drawn to it. That really goes for everything if you think about it.
Whatever you choose to put your heart into, you will find yourself drawn continually towards that.
But thankfulness....thankfulness is something that I take for granted that I do. Do you get what I'm saying? I assume I'm thankful! I feel like I am, but I don't take a deliberate motion to actually say that I am thankful out loud.
I'm going to start doing this with my daughter. When we wake up, journal 3 things that I'm thankful for. Waking up with a mindset of thankfulness is something that I don't do. When I wake up (and after I cry softly about it being morning so soon), preparing my mindset for a praise and joyful start is the last thing on my mind. Getting lunches in backpacks, prepping my daughter for school, surviving the hour before school starts and I have to respond to questions with coherent answers - that is what I do.
So, with my crummy attitude from this morning toward SS, I shall look past that dark corner in my heart and choose joy and thankfulness. My three things today are:
1) 2 dogs who are friends and play with happy growls - fills my house with joy and loudness
2) my laptop so I can sit in bed and accomplish many things
3) Sobey's grocery flyers - seriously, how would I be able to afford to feed my family without sales?
But only sometimes. Other times I like guns, violence, blood, hilarity and things that take away from the usual day to day life. Isn't that what movies are supposed to do for the most part? Tell a story that gets you out of your own story?
Anyway, if you're in the mood for a slower, gentler, quieter evening and a movie that doesn't scare, thrill or drill you in the brain - About Time is a good one. I thought it was sweet.
I shouldn't be blogging, but I never really have a time when I should be. I made my grocery list for the week and really need to get into the shower before I attempt to see people outside of my home.
Today's requirements are insulating part of the basement ceiling, providing food for the family, painting a stairwell, and prepping a concrete floor for rug installation. Blogging seems like it would be way more fun.
Unfortunately, I have nothing to say. My heart is a little sore with SS over. I realize I've been offended towards him, and I find it easy to turn off my love towards him with the slightest offence. I'm constantly reminded that being offended towards someone has nothing to do with the person you are upset with - it's actually a condition of your own heart. And while I realize this, sometimes sitting in the dark places is more "fun" than shining the light in there.
Aren't we funny as people? Sometimes we would rather be upset, fuming, and festering, than just dealing with our issues and moving into joy? I also find it easy to stay in those dark places easier and longer, the more I practice it.
I was listening to a speaker the other day talking about Thankfulness. It's something you choose and the more you choose it, the more you're drawn to it. That really goes for everything if you think about it.
Whatever you choose to put your heart into, you will find yourself drawn continually towards that.
But thankfulness....thankfulness is something that I take for granted that I do. Do you get what I'm saying? I assume I'm thankful! I feel like I am, but I don't take a deliberate motion to actually say that I am thankful out loud.
I'm going to start doing this with my daughter. When we wake up, journal 3 things that I'm thankful for. Waking up with a mindset of thankfulness is something that I don't do. When I wake up (and after I cry softly about it being morning so soon), preparing my mindset for a praise and joyful start is the last thing on my mind. Getting lunches in backpacks, prepping my daughter for school, surviving the hour before school starts and I have to respond to questions with coherent answers - that is what I do.
So, with my crummy attitude from this morning toward SS, I shall look past that dark corner in my heart and choose joy and thankfulness. My three things today are:
1) 2 dogs who are friends and play with happy growls - fills my house with joy and loudness
2) my laptop so I can sit in bed and accomplish many things
3) Sobey's grocery flyers - seriously, how would I be able to afford to feed my family without sales?
Thursday, January 16, 2014
My New Year's Resolution this year was to blog once a week. Now that breaking that resolution is over and done with, I can carry on with the year.
In all seriousness though, I really don't believe much in New Year's resolutions. I seem to be a person that no matter how many times I try to put a pattern of eating, living, budgeting, exercising into place, I can't stick with it. I'd like to say I'm original in that and say something like it being genetics, but I would say I'm unoriginal and like 90% of the population out there.
I do believe in resolutions by themselves though. I come across them when I get fed up with something and actually decide that not just something needs to change, but that it will. I no longer "try" to keep up with the plan or schedule; I just "do".
However, that all being said, a friend of mine who lives further away from me than I'd like, sent me an email with her resolution for the new year. It was:
"One piece at a time".
Beg this phrase on the days that have your hair turning grey, your tasks piling high and your nerves running stray. I thought this phrase, while not new, was a brilliant goal for 2014.
She has spoken this to me many times over Skype when I am afraid that the papers on my desk are going to surround me and silence me. Or when the dishes are overflowing and I'm not sure where I left my kitchen. She has been wise to speak this to me when I need it. Because I, for one, am someone who wants to accomplish everything now. Right now. And I look at my day and my task and I slam them together and say "I can do all things" when it's physically impossible to finish half of my list. And then I crash and burn and cry "why??" up to the heaven's.
Alas. I am as bad at budgeting my time as I am dramatic.
So this year, while I don't believe in resolutions per se, I will lean heavily towards this mindset change. One piece at a time. One dish at a time. One bill at a time.
It coincides nicely with what I was feeling over the holidays and that was the peace and joy of living was missing from my day to day life. I was overwhelmed with so many things that I felt sad that I was missing it all. Too many of this, too much of that. Schedules, lists, bills...it was all consuming! I was missing out on important things. My beautiful daughter is 11 only once. She is halfway done being 11 and I'm missing it. My one dog has about 4 more years of life in him. And I'm so busy that I'm more annoyed with him under my feet, than I am appreciating his loyalty of laying at them.
So. One piece at a time. There will always be dishes. I can do some of them. And then I can put them aside and spend time doing nails with my daughter. I can write out and pay the bills. Then I can take the dogs for a run in the yard.
We are still running around with our heads cut off with the building of the house. My days look like insanity wrapped up in a bird nest. It's not a pretty sight is what I'm trying to say. But the moments that I can find (or force) to stop and enjoy rough-housing with the dogs, or cooking supper with my girl are precious. One piece at a time. One moment at a time. It's all tied together. Love it.
In all seriousness though, I really don't believe much in New Year's resolutions. I seem to be a person that no matter how many times I try to put a pattern of eating, living, budgeting, exercising into place, I can't stick with it. I'd like to say I'm original in that and say something like it being genetics, but I would say I'm unoriginal and like 90% of the population out there.
I do believe in resolutions by themselves though. I come across them when I get fed up with something and actually decide that not just something needs to change, but that it will. I no longer "try" to keep up with the plan or schedule; I just "do".
However, that all being said, a friend of mine who lives further away from me than I'd like, sent me an email with her resolution for the new year. It was:
"One piece at a time".
Beg this phrase on the days that have your hair turning grey, your tasks piling high and your nerves running stray. I thought this phrase, while not new, was a brilliant goal for 2014.
She has spoken this to me many times over Skype when I am afraid that the papers on my desk are going to surround me and silence me. Or when the dishes are overflowing and I'm not sure where I left my kitchen. She has been wise to speak this to me when I need it. Because I, for one, am someone who wants to accomplish everything now. Right now. And I look at my day and my task and I slam them together and say "I can do all things" when it's physically impossible to finish half of my list. And then I crash and burn and cry "why??" up to the heaven's.
Alas. I am as bad at budgeting my time as I am dramatic.
So this year, while I don't believe in resolutions per se, I will lean heavily towards this mindset change. One piece at a time. One dish at a time. One bill at a time.
It coincides nicely with what I was feeling over the holidays and that was the peace and joy of living was missing from my day to day life. I was overwhelmed with so many things that I felt sad that I was missing it all. Too many of this, too much of that. Schedules, lists, bills...it was all consuming! I was missing out on important things. My beautiful daughter is 11 only once. She is halfway done being 11 and I'm missing it. My one dog has about 4 more years of life in him. And I'm so busy that I'm more annoyed with him under my feet, than I am appreciating his loyalty of laying at them.
So. One piece at a time. There will always be dishes. I can do some of them. And then I can put them aside and spend time doing nails with my daughter. I can write out and pay the bills. Then I can take the dogs for a run in the yard.
We are still running around with our heads cut off with the building of the house. My days look like insanity wrapped up in a bird nest. It's not a pretty sight is what I'm trying to say. But the moments that I can find (or force) to stop and enjoy rough-housing with the dogs, or cooking supper with my girl are precious. One piece at a time. One moment at a time. It's all tied together. Love it.
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