Kind of a gloomy day. Supposed to warm up, but the rain is threatening. Not that I mind. I have no plans today other than trying to get my house to resemble a home.

Sometimes I get unsettled. I get impatient. I get...squirrelly. I get jealous. I want what other people have. I want more things. I want less stress.

Yesterday as I was cleaning up my kitchen after supper, my husband was making noise and a mess in the basement as he worked diligently and faithfully on our future 2nd bathroom. My daughter was watching an episode of Glee at top volume (to hear over the noise of her daddy's workmanship), and the dogs were chasing each other around our 950 sq foot home, knocking over chairs, pillows and growling like they meant it. And I was just thankful in that space.

I have a home that my hubby gives me free reins to decorate as I like. And even though I can fall prey to the lures of Pinterest and Houzz and long for things that take a lifetime to be able to afford, I am still very happy with what I have.

We live in a beautiful space. We have a huge backyard with a large deck. We have trees. And we have work. I'm blessed that my husband loves to have me at home rather in an office (though if I wanted to be in one, he would never think twice about supporting me). I get to sit on the deck during nice days and think, dream and ponder.

I take my role as stay at home wife seriously, and aim to make sure clothes are washed, and folded and supper isn't just made, but homemade and fresh and on time. But I'm so thankful I get to do that! I'm blessed to be loved, and loved well. I know what it feels like to not be loved well, and now understanding that my husband deems me worthy of more love he can give (but tries his darndest), messes with my head somedays.

I have good kids. My stepson works hard and appreciates me. My daughter adores me and is simply lovely. My dogs...well...I have dogs. And they are ridiculous. But I always wanted dogs...and now I have them.

I fear sometimes that the hope of something more, can create a gaping hole of wants and false needs.

But I also don't want to get stuck where we don't think we are worthy of better. I don't believe in settling and I do believe in working hard for what you want.

I just need to learn to say "look where I've come from", and then say "I love where I am" without compromising when I say "and that's where I'm going".